shittish^me~

none...

2005-02-21T22:02:00.000+08:00

Haha, went for my primary school class gathering.. its pretty fun tho only 8 outta 47(?? Cant rmb e exact number) came to cikgu kok’s house. In BM, cikgu means teacher! So cikgu kok was my BM teacher. She taught all four of us of the seet family.. :P

Was ok cos most came went to e same sec school as me so I have seen them grown for wuite awhile.. well, im a lot fatter than I was I tink. Well, it’s a fact.. I think I outta lose weight. Shed some kilos so I will look better…

It is still alright in office. I went to JJC funfair that day cos my aunt bot $S40 tix n ask us to go w her to spend it.. I bot this card holder that perform simple physics trick.. then aunt treat four of us to CRYSTAL JADE!!! Damnnice!! Was damn full… hahahha.. I did some temporary tattoo thingy that is like damn nice!! But it was soon worn off, after I slpt.. it din last as long as I thot.. den I bot a bag..

Yippee!! This sat gg out w my colleagues.. we go sing karaoke!!!! MAYBE, or we go play pool, bowling, badminton, basketball or shopping!! PADINI in city square having a sale this sat.. all bags off at 50% discount.. hehehehhe.. I got my salary… im gona cut my hair again.. but I got no time n no money but hair is bad.. argh.!

I haven withdraw any money from my account so I am still living off my darling daddy.. hahaha.. im so unfilial horh.. no la.. actually I spent quite some angpow money alrdy tho new yr is not over… em.. I think that is enuff… cya guys…

N my hse is always welcoming all of u if u wana come when it is still new n nice n clean.. :P hehe.. can come stay one or two nights if u wana go shopping.. hehe :P

hehe

2005-02-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

im sakuragi hanamiXIN ying mu hua xin... :):) happy happy no worries, results coming out soon. nervous.. still no idea wad to study....... work is getting mundane n im less focused.. shitsshitsshits.....

2005-02-14T13:10:00.000+08:00

i wonder where my previous posts r.. not good.. haha. despite e wonderful festive mood. dun mind me..

2005-02-14T13:05:00.000+08:00

severe ties w me? by all means. fuck it.

shuxin

2005-01-31T21:15:00.000+08:00

heyheyhey, shuxin is here yet again.. again i hafta marvel at how small the world is.. or rather jb... we haf dis relatively weird r/s here in office in penerbitan pelangi and omega tuition centre, two of whom e companies r quite well-known in jb.. hahahhahah...

anyways, in a bid to bcum a better cultured person, i became interested in books. haha,, reading jane eyre by emily bronte and going on to Wuthering Heights by charlottebronte.. they r sisters yet they wrote so marvellous stuffs.. u rly cant comprehend wad was written in e first place cos its rly in an old-fashioned language.. sth like pride n prejudice by jane austen.. hahah... but i think this is better than four sisters quarreling all day n doing nothing but to attract gentleman;s attention... haha, my compu-phobia wasnt exactly healed yet.. cos iwas put into tasks of typing books, teacher's guide, which really horrifies me, imagine typing 8 hrs a day.. haha.. its really really bad..

new year's coming but my family seems unprepared, n i haf alrdy been shopping w my mum n she thot we culd buy stuffs on new years' eve. i wonder y she want to put everythg till e last min.. n e other races like to fight w us when shopping in Giant.. squeezing all e way n stuffs... emmmm.. not really enjoyable.. n my new year clothes ahhh, my sister took qt a lot of charge.. she thinks that i shld buy sth formal for my tertiary education... haiz, cos her skl is in msia n is a medical skl which is v strict n took much notice on wad they wear, like u must be real professionals, wear heels that is strapped n slacks or skirts LONGER than the knee!

my undang lesson was horrible, i hafta be in a class full of malays myself, w a extremely racist lecturer who picks on the only few other chinese, i managed to escape due to my obedience and attn paid to his lecture. but i only understand sumthings la, cos my malay is rly nothing la.. n my undaNG TEST is next sunday n i haven study yet lehzzz.. hafta go soon...

work is still fine w fun n lafter n i haven rly been taking much attn in work, i must rly concentrate more rather than talking...

is my life tt interesting...

2005-01-25T13:18:00.000+08:00

hahaha, i have 3 days leave n i shop my 3 days off.. i love my days down here.. life is getting better n i hope it can remain so. Thank to Zee n ana.. Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how r u guys?? my comp is down la, so stealin the office's comp to use.. now is lunch time.. but im satisfied alrdy... Im finally started undang dy.. Hope can use english lahhh... but nvm lor... can malay also gd............. :) gotta keep this short.... bleah.... n i have got another job offer lahhh.. but duno shld i get that also... i wana organise sth for my class also.. dman sad lahhhh..... anyway, got anythg pls leave me a msg yahh? i love to keep my tagboard alive n kicking! :)

shuxin

2005-01-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

cny shopping is tiring.... nothing to do rly at hm but this weekend all my sisters r back.. nice feeling... but still.... haiz.. nothing much to blog abt.. cyaz

2005-01-20T13:20:00.000+08:00

its qt cool to work here. ya.. but workload is bad.. i am getting sick of the computer now le ahh.. being a freaky typist for the past 2 days.. hahahahhahaa.. life is okay.. back to work..

in office

2005-01-18T13:15:00.000+08:00

blogging from my office. hi here! i think i stay here rather than switching job.. getting more work on e 2nd day. i have piles of work alrdy.. hehe.. byes.

weixin: yahhhh, it damn nice! :)
lalang: no prob.. :) i am fine w wad i haf now...

1st day at work!

2005-01-17T20:35:00.000+08:00

First day at work is……
Fun-filled, Slack n enjoyment! Woowooowwwwwwooooo… haha, din know working at penerbitan pelangi is easy n nice, great environment n its kinda challenging. N I met a lot of old friends. As in friends in my ex-secondary skl and ex-primary sklmate in msia. Haha, one of em is from elder sis batch, she is earning 1k per mth while poor me hafta make do with 850, but it has gd facilities n e pp r okayyy lahh.. now I am EDITORIAL ASSISTANT!!! I do children’s bk, K1 n K2.. hehe, so next time ur child may be reading my bk.. I am proof-reading this set of 16 maths bks and doing sth on a colouring cum reading bk.. tho they haf qt a number of requirements like e language must be damn easy n no weird fonts plus must be British spelling…. She says I may haf a chance to come out with a set of bk solely under me!!! Hahahahhahha…rly ah, I will be damn proud..
But today I got two other job offers, I mean when I type out my resume n it says I am a scholar pp will naturally think highly of me.. hahaha… well…. Another one is also damn near my hse la, almost same dist as e current job but it pays much lower at 700, however I will have a post as Clerk cum Accounts assistant.. hehe, can learn sth also… I mean if I wana do business next time it is gdgdgd lor.. but! I duno leh, I just started work leh, n this new company is like v urgent in need of me, tt time I applied dey like dunwan me cos Im temp so I applied my current job lo, hw I know now dey wan me.. I also duno la… duno which one to choose…. Tell me! N gimme advice la……. Another one is from a petro-chemical factory la.. but he doesn’t wan me in e end cos I am 19 onlyyyyy, n I am gg to do temp..
So tel me wad shld I do..
Well all this I hafta thank God cos it is Him that makes it all happened. I mean I was complaining y I wasn’t given a chance n now…. I am given 3 chances of e jobs that I wanted.. tt is sum office job.. but still pay is so low.. if I can get 850 for e accounts job I will do it.. but!… haiz.. He rly shows himself when I doubted him awhile ago…… this shows how true He is… rly… Haha, my current job is rly slacking where I stopped working halfway to wait for lunchbrk n dismissal, first time need to punch card! N everythg… hahah, n yahh, its rly relaxing la n I am qt enjoying it, I was givena lot of time frame to complete my job which I can easily finish in like oneday, but I bet my supervisor called ms Ngiam but gave me 1 week… wheeeee… I duno la, I feel bad leaving my job after one day..

2005-01-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

ohhh.. tmr starting work starting to get nervous.. ought to wake up early n it 1219 alrdy.. gtg.. byes.. will type a longer update soon... yawnz......

-

2005-01-15T22:13:00.000+08:00

bleah.. ok. life is like that.

writing for fun!!!

2005-01-14T15:30:00.000+08:00

yeps, here writing just for fun! ohh n i ve got job!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wheeeeeee.... it is at penerbitan pelangi. meaning a publisher as auditing.. hehehhehe... its summore a stone's throw away from my hse la... my hse is damn near it la.. can walk there.. so damnhappy after much searching i found a job!!!

yeah, n i actually cooked a full meal for my family... tomyam!!!!! hahah, my fav... plus a lot of vege n prawns.. guess i have been feeling better since receiving e news tt i wun be at hm anymore, meantime i am feeling scared cos i have nv worked before!!! OMG! hahaha. duno wad to wear to work also la..

i rly envy singaporeans sumtimes. they have so many jobs opportunities within reaching distant. i mean. u cant take too long to travel to e other end of singapore ya? haha. while poor me cant take jobs tt r out of JOHOR BAHRU. haha, cos i dunhaf a car n e public transport sucks. n i will hafta take 3 hrs on the highway to get outta JOHOR. so i wcant work in Selangor of other states.. haiz.. where all e businesses congregate..

sad week

2005-01-12T21:12:00.000+08:00

it is forever sad to be at home. at least for me. thinking back of how much i yearned to be at home. i felt stupid. im driven insane or plain near. wadeva i do seems wrong. wadeva i try seems in vain. and i am locked up in my poor lil' "castle" with no one to tok to or complain to. sometimes, even my modem took on me, he refused to wake up from his nice afternoon nap, so i haf no entertainment for e past two days. the greatest invention on earth, tv, ya the TV, has accompanied me thruot my borest days, thankew bro! tho he din show anythg or great interest due unmentionable reasons tt i am unsure of.

n yeah, my dearest sis left her lousy laptop back for my companion but missy Seet here doesnt know hw to connect it to e net.. so i am left w entertainment of watching dvd (uncensored but i forgot wad's e title, anyways, i watched e censored one b4, not rly entertaining tho, thot of hw u get interrupted so often by ur parents' quarrel..) so pls pity me in any way tt u can help, cos i am rly pathetic. look at e word, pathetic!

oh well, i saw this pink paper on my piano, ya, i actually have a piano, a workable piano despite not knowing how to play it.. ya, it was sth abt Christ, i actually think someone is putting in e effort for me mum or dad. either one of em.. heh.. gdgd.. i wana learn some musical instrument n me mum thot guitar was gd but me dad wans me to learn erhu, ya e chinese violin thing.. i duno but noone mentions PIAnO.. haha, duno why..

sumtimes if i think if i dun budge from my lazy seat i may never ever get a job, oh wells, according to weixin, i am a lazy ass.. but sumtimes i am scared of leaving home. i scared that once i leave i can never get back to e same family again. shit. getting all emotional typing this entry.. i rly miss every1, missed life in sg.. but whereever am i i am just gona miss sth some way or another?

i duno how........ i am rly e middle man, being in e middle, i haf no choice but not to side. wad to do, i am always alone. suffering in my own way, how i wish i am e tsunami victim, if only e waves washed everythg away, or even me, i wuld haf a better family, they will learn to cherish wad they have. i rly hope tt God will protect my family and keep it intact. i plead Him. noone will really know wad i feel, everybody thot tt nw i am a grown up i shld know how to handle things. but i am only 18. i know tt doesnt sound right but thgs just came w/o a sign. i culd not take the blow but i took it, i ought to be stronger than i am. in the brand new year.. i wana be stronger than how i look, i wana be stronger than i am.. i wan to depend on myself but not others to keep me alive n going. i dunwana to be looked down upon. n no inferiority complexes.

Yours sincerely, ShuXin Seet

btw, HAPPY BDAE KAYYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shuxin is back!!!!

2005-01-10T15:15:00.000+08:00

After much tinking or otherwise i decided to keep this open. well, i admit i had an idea of deleting e whole of this blog but decided otherwise too...

maybe.. this may be a new start for the new yr n i certainly hope n pray tt this yr will be a better yr... less suffering n less lost souls.... hmmm.. life feel empty w/o socialising n being kept in cage. i wana go out! i wan a job. yeah. but being so choosy... wth...... oh, new email tho, shuxin.seet@gmail.com

yeps. cya guys den.. tag me!

2004-12-31T08:32:00.000+08:00

KL
yep, again im embarking on a journey to KL w my darlings from NY... hahaha.... well, just some catching up session barh.. pity tt chun cant make it.. least i met her when i went Plaza Pelangi that day.. well, SECRET RECIPE is very nice! e food is just plain nice! hahaha... malaysia brand.. rotiboy too.. try it!

hope that i can be back some day! :)

2004-12-29T14:13:00.000+08:00

hahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahah.... im gg crazy...yeps...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
bleah

2004-12-28T21:19:00.000+08:00

WAVE

haiz... everythg is so sudden! never did i imagine that e effects of a tsunami will cause so many deaths. When i first heard e incident, i thot oh wells, its a tsunami, least its not on concrete grd so less pp will be affected, but it turns out that it affects so many n as much as 12000 pp has been killed so far. Many r tourists but more r the poor villagers staying along the coastal line. even as far as africa felt the aftermath of that 9 on ritcher scale earthquake.. do u know that for every increase in 1 in the ritcher scale, e vibration is ten times more powerful.. that means a logarithimc scale! plot one log graph n u get wad i mean. i never thot an earthquake will happen near me of msia will be even affected by it! OMG..

ANA LICHU
hellos! im alive n kicking!!!!!!! yeps, merry christmas n happy new year! :) hope u haf a nice new year ya?? hehes. i miss u guys so much!

2004-12-23T23:18:00.000+08:00

NEW SPECS
hehes.. i got a new brown half frame n purple tinted specs! love em man... love my parents for it tooo! hahas.. i mean i am touched la cos its qt ex.. more ex than e two specs that my sis got.. :)

JOB
i got a clerk job. but it pays only rm 750 n no transport n its farrrrrrrrrrrrr from my place.. so i din grab it la.. hehes.. i got a relief tching job also ..i think i can get it.. duno la. c first.. shld enjoy first la... cya peeps . :)

2004-12-22T21:20:00.000+08:00

argh, its so hard to find a job man!!!!!! well, e only plus pt is i got to chanced upon so many ex-classmates from nanyang!!!! shan shan, jingjing, xiuling, and this other GEP gal.. hahaz, i saw two bballers also, like so shock la!!! i think straits time classifies abit confusing, e job tt i applied for was helping out a bank project, in e end i went for e interview n it was like for telemarketing. felt so cheated. nvm.. they r stringent man, n they seem very interested for me getting that job but obviously u can see their face falling when u say u r a Malaysian. it is just too much trouble for them. well, im a different case, u dunnid to pay to get me to work here! haiz. wadeva. if i rly cant get job im gonna teach in a private skl in msia for 5 wks first. pay is thousand sth rm, well, so much lesser if i convert it to sing dollars. well, ya, tt means i cant meet up w my frens in spore etc. hmmmm.....

e job i find either is a permanent job for msians or temporary job for sporeans. what the...... ok, wadeva! i shall learn driving first! i was rly pissed today man! like when i go in jam like nth when i go out also jam like nth! and i hafta walk walk walk n found no job! y is it so hard for msians to work inspore? why is it so hard to cross the customs! c'mon, u need us! u need low pay workers who r willing to work in ur countries like me so that investors will continue to invest bcos there is still human resource! ahhhhhh.. i cant even find a job at e motorola company, e simple production line that doesnt even require A level standard just bcos im a msian. i mean wad's wrong!? ok, pp r simply biased against the msians. wadeva.

i will be back when i am feeling better..

2004-12-21T15:45:00.000+08:00

my new number!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok, its 15 cts for singapore peeps to msg me... my old number stil in use but i will nv reply tt is.. cos is v ex...
90274142, +60197409711 yeps...
for starhub users it may be a better choice for u to call me.. or for those got free IDD to msia!
just simply dial 01860197409711 can liaoz...
yeps... call me batter, cos i incoming free, if u r rly urgent to find me lolx...

2004-12-19T15:19:00.000+08:00

i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u
do u hear tt do u hear me do u hear me i doubt so
i miss u so much so dearly y cant u miss me
y is it always like that things never turn out the way u wan them to be
always.

2004-12-18T10:45:00.000+08:00

BACK!!!

im back from KL!!! so many things to be blogged..
day1: started off late from home cos darlingshuxin woke up late!!! lolx.. hahaz, its kinda impromptu but nevertheless e atmosphere was gd.. just tt e weather was pretty shiny n stuffs... hahaz. hmm.. stopped awhile at Ayer Keroh a district of msia for NICE chicken rice! e rice was shaped into balls... yumyum.... den we looked ard malacca and decided to go A famosa, nononono, not e door or wadeva thing is e one tt advertised so much... haha, e one w Water World n Nite Safari thing.yups. but my sister's quarreled n e sun is bad,,,so din do anything much.. proceeded on to KL n visited my sis... den v late t nite we check in a pretty small hotel but strategic one... nice! there is so many tings within walking distant!..
day2: shopping! went Times square, Bukit bintang plaza, lot 10... Sungei wang plaza... note: e printing of newspaper is so much nicer than in JB.. hmmph, unfair! lolx din buy anythg, cant c things tt i like la...
day3: day to be back!@ well, overall had nice bakuteh, nice yongtaufoo and FOOD in KL.. went back A famosa resort again n went for e water world... nice n cheap... still suffering from muscle ache tho.. lolx..
n here i am now!

2004-12-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

2004-12-10T23:23:00.000+08:00

PROM

prom's okayyy.... hahaz, just funny that they shortlisted the king n queen's candidate themselves( i.e. tchers)...like so disappointing la.. but well jaga n victoria clinched e position.. congrats.. to qiqi: e fishball gang was there!!!!! but e leader was nowhere to be seen! like........ they dressed like..... ask yt.. ha!

after e prom me meimei intan kang n leena went ZOUK!! wowowow!it was horribly packed.. met yh there. went there havoced, danced n crapped. got myself slightly giddy from e drink n absolute high.. dotx... after tt e feeling wore off pretty fast.. hmmmm.... den ard 3 sth me n meimei n leena leave from zouk to Newton FC.. n had sum food! but after tt, my rashed started acting up! err... alcoholism! nxt time i shld try mocktail as recommended by ynay! n still sufferring.. dots. inall i slp 5 hrs in 2 days n suffered wholly bad hungover with rashes. i scractche like nobody business n yeps. got myself scars! :( wanted to blogged abt this sumbody or few somebodies tt i met in e club. yewk! think meimei or leena will blog it... hahaz, no time, dad's rushing me.. shall update nxt time! muackz

hahaz.. well, departing is part n parcel of life.. i was toking to ynay sth abt getting attached or wadnots also la.. but cum to think of it.. i wun do tt, at least for now.. cos my life is so unstable now. im not gg to meet up w anyone n anytime i like now due to restirictions. i cant sms, call or wad nots. well, its ex w roaming n i aint have a msia line. duhx. haha, not like i yearn for a r/s or sth. im enjoying my single life like nth.. well, being single u can almost do anythg according to ur will. erps, well... hehes. hahahaha, im just being selfish i think. hmmmmm.. im missing every single soul in singapore. how i wish tt msia n spore is one big family n i dunnid to go thru much touble like to go over to meet u guys.. hahaz. well, tts kinda fat hope la..

random thots. :P

2004-12-08T07:20:00.000+08:00

hurhur.. stomach's lurching badly.. cos i forgot to eat dinner!!!! wow! shuxin actually forgot to eat her dinner. n i saw chrissypoo.. in case u duno, yah, it s e S'pore idol guy!~ toking abt eating disorder n stomach discomfort i think im e best. dotx, yesterday a cup of black COFFEE at mt emily's n another iced mocha at STARBUCKS. i walked back all e way from orchard to e hotel!! yipee, thank God tt i didnt lose my way cos i only walked once here b4!! :) haharhz. den after 'planning' abit w kangwei abt e prom... me played cards w kenny ziyih n stella.. wowowow!!! so long never play daidee(big two! ^_^) rusty liaoz, but i did win a few of e games! so shoik. den i slpt abt like 3~4. not v sure la.. die liaoz, woke up at 6 to open e door for ynay n cant get back to slp so here am i!!!! tonite i cant imagine how a zombie i will b like. trust me! later still gg ruoling;s place for bball game i think, n im borrowing dress fr EUNICE! like thank so much la huh gal! for all da trouble n stuffs. n rush down at 4 for my makeup apptmt, n prom reporting time is at 630pm which i think is pretty early larhx. haiz. last but not least HAPPY BIRTHDAY to PEIYING n JESS

pray tt prom will turn out reasonably well barhx. after tt im gg clubbing!! *dances ard* hahs, just to zeng1guang3jian4wen2 to widen my spectrum or sth lidat la.. haha. just to c wad's gg on so tt i can urm.. not be so suaku la.. i cant drink summore due to my alcohol sensitivity.. lolx. dots la.. hmm, i will just hang ard, take a look n zhao, neway it doesnt cost anythg cos tmr;s ladies nite, im qt sure i wun like e clubbing scene for all its smoke-engulfed environment.. hahas.

2004-12-07T19:29:00.000+08:00

im in mt emily using free broadband. duhx... my comp got prob so cant c e blogs correctly at hm so im extremely elated to c anything here. dots. i know it does not mean anything la.. just crapping away n i need a JOB!!!! can anyone just provide me a job tt pays ard 1000 plus minus a month. n i will be satisfied. duhx... looking ard...

shuxin

2004-12-07T14:21:00.000+08:00

i cut my hair n its freaking short. em, guess e hairdresser wasnt gd. i regret i didnt go back to adeline at Kimage for my haircut. duhx. yeps. as usual back hm relax n trying v hard to unpack. i realise i haf so many clothes tt my wardrobe is gg to burst. its like so big n its gona burst. tho im nt wearing most of e clothes, but i just cant beat to part em.. i mean it lorhs... its still in great condition, just tt i got sick of em n swear of em.. n all e t-shirts fr camps orientation n stufs r like piling up lorhs.. hais... rm still in a mess.. hm is in a mess.

i duno hw to deal w some stuffs but apparently God's grace is shining on my family larhs, hope tt one day i wil be able to bring my sis to youth! :) yeps. im so tensed up by all e prom thg. shootx. duno hw larhs. i think im gona look bad on tt day.. nvm im nt gg to think abt it.. cya den..

2004-12-06T07:30:00.000+08:00

hurhur, went Sunday service. nice. dumtum, but sth cropped up halfway which rly dampens my mood. sth tt will rly affect my life. im in shock, despair n dismay so i looked lifeless thruout e service i guess, im sorry. sumthg tt i nv expect happened...yupx... so i was especially touched by e last song tt Pastor Daniel sang..

i will pray God for His mercy n grace n hope tt this thg that happened will improve better. yupx.. cya guys. tC. am gg back at 4pm. byes

shuxin

ca: hey, no probs! i will hug u more nxt time i cya kkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!

2004-12-05T14:51:00.000+08:00

im gona blog
haha, im going back n im gona miss everythg in spore
not like im not coming back k guys... i will be back!
rest assured! n i rly miss u guys...charisMA, OLdham Hall, 0903... all e frenships forged will be remembered... n my relationship w God will continue to strengthen i believe. i believe tt this is the chance tt God is giving me to meditate upon His word n put more emphasis on e bible.. cos im gona have so much free time to read e bible!!!! be glad for me!
:) i will be back for prom on 7th n 8th..
miss me!

today's saturday! went church as usual.. worship was nice.. bro michael lead, everybody act like its e last time they will be seeing me but i assure u not! i will nv let any odds overcome my desire to worship God, i believe in Him n he has actually strengthen me much after my A levels, esp e conference n sunday worships i went.. i benefited alot... i mean, i think im closer tio Him now n ever.. :) n thankew peiying, lalang, ruoling, victor, lichu, mengchoo, zilin, Gab, whoever la... i lazy to type ya??? hahahahahhahaha.... thanks alot.. like u guys have been there seeing me grow in His kingdom.. like u guys rly guide me alot..........

2004-12-01T07:20:00.000+08:00

hehe, im running out of internet credit n i dun intend to pay.. n i hadnt pay my ph bill yet so im kinda hard to contact.. sorry guys i wun be active these few days.. i got so many stuffs to pack!!! n im having muscle ache.. packing will create more tension.. haiz.. im sososososo sorry kkz. yups. tts it..

anythg just msg me cos i even if im back in msia i can receive.. whether i reply or not.. its hard to say.. im seriously broke. i dun even haf a pocket now!! sorry ya guys.. (: tC... leave note here n tag me yeah!!!!

2004-11-30T14:13:00.000+08:00

hohoho... free internet service at mac's at harbourfront! its like so cool` first time i use in macs!!!!!!! im like sososoosososososo shagged! just came fr sentosa. i actually can n tried swimming le yea!!!! we took so many free rides on monorail.... den e toottoo train thingy.. den walk ard, play in e water.. tho dey pangse me but still v fun!!! den we go n watch e musical fountain!!! so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so different fr wad i watched las time. 3 dollars r spent fruitfully... every few times iwent i only go pahlawan lor... nv regret coming tho im grumpy e day b4... lolx.. like so cool k...

enuff... i still have so many things to do.. to pack n tongo gab's hse!!! shld i..? like kinda sick!!! hmmm... i will c tmr la.. so hard to get to his hse... :) enuff, keyboard hard to type... lolx. cyaz..

2004-11-30T02:05:00.000+08:00

i must say i had fun had fun had fun had fun... SUnday service was nice!!!! :) haha, n i received 2 BIG shocks! i mean pris being pris n Brian being eunice's bro!!!!!!! im like so shocked! dotx.. summore brian from my school, like..... haha, i thot ana is cute. v sweet, demure, n nice to talk to, soft spoken. well-brought up.. wad can i say... im so not ana! im rough, not sweet, shopaholic, em... yeps. so different. hahahs. hahahhahahahaha. haha, think im gg crazy le larhx... n my legs r obviously aching when i strut ard e whole of Singapore in 2 days in heels. thot its only one inch ah, its been cutting into my feet n soles. ouch! but i like e sound it makes on the floor...

den later i choing to clementi to meet 09! was supposed to meet at 445 at e mrt den only few waited for me lor. e rest went ahead, i reached at 505! :P teehee.. but must still thank those who waited for me!!!! like so gandong! cos im kinda idiot in gg sumwhere ive nv been to! n kangwei seriously gave me headache when she keeps asking directions n i keep telling her e same thing n she dun understand. n meimei n ber keeps on asking me where she is im like she is forever late n i duno!!!!!! if u guys rly care for her so much go bring her here la, go get her n tel her e directions on ph lar!!! she was like telling me tt im selfish!!!! over the phone, i was so mad, since u think im selfish u still cum look for me? who is e one who always inform u abt class outings n stuffs. like e rest care?! huh!!!! so all responsibility is on me larh. n i nv pay ph bill lorhx. :(

enuff of bad thgs, i had fun at KT's hse.. played scrabble. so funny.! den ate!!! e food was gorgeous. mozarella cheese w eggplant, black pepper beef, sum winter melon w meat thing, thai style fish?, rice w raisins.... i tink still got more, got this prawnie crabby thg in prawn sauce, den meat dumpling?!, den e appetiser was sth smoked salmon in cones, nice deco! den scallop in orange sauce! haha, w tiramisu n dis berries custard thing as desert!!! so nice can?!?! its like 23 per pax n there was 27pp. she spent a bomb, e price i secretly check out myself de... i eat like till so full lor. n i ate so much beef so its vvvvv nice! sofe n tender, to think tt i told ana tt i wana be an ovo-lacto-vegetarian. failed miserably.. den we had champagne! lolx. den played risk!

im like sososososososo tired, n think later gg sentosa. shoik ah! still haven pack yet duno how to go hm le arhx. my rmmie gg chalet, im gona miss her! lolx. im sosososososos satisfied! i lurve n will forever miss her! :)

2004-11-28T11:06:00.000+08:00

hahahahahahhaa... im finally back in Spore!!!! wow! i bot my prom dress. scarf n a pair of heels. i bot in all in 45 mins at Holiday plaza.. cos when i went there its 9 already.. shops r closing n stuffs. so i must grab stuffs quick. i got a lil' black n simple dress.. not rly formal but i like. dun care lor.. hahahaha!

dotx.. today kena pangse by so many pp.. no tix to Jay's concert plus tt no class outing. im like rushing back at ard 12 sth den sum1 told me.. if not i will be like idiot n hang ard sentosa alone... depsite tt, i still went out la, cos its gona be e last time im gg out w PARO. she is leaving india for good la.. so i still din go back to youth la. when i reach hostel is like 1 sth n i hafta feed my hungry stomach cos forgot to eat brkfast. den they ask me to go town w them.. i seldom go out w them cos i have been occupied on saturdays so i just go lor since in i told so many pp im not going youth.. haiz.. nvm, im still going to Jolin's concert for free.. kinda paiseh, i so old alrdy nv been to any concert lehx.. haha, cos im qt claustrophobic plus xenophobic. i hate outsiders n crowds.. so yeah... hahah, tt explains huh??

so e trip to town i bot likt so many stuffs. i even bot a small lil' card for AZA n pressie for peiying. n yeah, jess, im thinking of making a handmake card for her.. plus e christmas card also must handmake le.. im rly broke.. hahaz... im rly happy w e retail therapy today! like so accomplished... finally iget a chance to spend n in like 2 hrs time im broke.. dotx

cyaz..

2004-11-27T07:18:00.000+08:00

finally e big As is over!! HISTORY!

yepsyeps.. im typing this entry back home in my lousy computer.. haha, its slow, but still better than nothing ya?? hahaz.. im qt grateful that this hasnt hung on me till now.. :) thankew for all those who tagged me.. thankew for my burfdae wishes.. haha. still got so many to thank. i rly wonder in amazement y so many pp rmbed my bdae n bother to wish me, haha. well ur wishes r gg to be remembered by me!! in my heart haha. really n i mean it...

i was head prefect. i was. but in pri skl la.. haha, i had to wear a tie everyday n wore long sleeved shirt n stand under e hot sun n send my juniors off.. seeing them hop happily into their father's air-conditioned car. kinda of a torture. but i must say its fun to strutt along the skl in that tie haha. pp respect u so much! haha :) but tt was e past. look at me now! im in a dishevelled state, defeated by e prolonged As n "mugging".

ok, enuff of that.. yesterday i went JAYA JUSCO! its e newest thing in JB. its so large tt i only shopped like a fraction of it in like 3 hrs?? got 3 nice underwear!! haha, in RED, GREEN, n PURPLE! haha. den got pressies for yanting n yun.. din get anythg for ms chua, i mean i dun c her anymore?! haha.. its hot stuffs n nice stuffs. i stood like so long to choose them. i bet they will like it. i have taste! ahaa. i must say shopping w mum is fun cos she pays for everythg using her credit card! n dad settle e balance. haha! dotx.

enuff for that. i had good food too.. im think im gg back to spore soon. later got farewell dinner back in hostel. im like so pampered w/o spending a cent. ahah, well, being an anti-social freak isnt tt difficult la huh?! haha, being broke means finding funout of e most basic things. n em, im still trying to find ways to squeeze a few hundreds from my dearie papa to spend. n finally let hope he can set out to get me a digicam. he said yes, but the practical hafta wait. i thnk im gg to borrow books! story books, novels, magazinez, anythg i can get to keep me happy n occupied! yeps, maybe go swim! so long nv swim le.. den class outing n stuffs.

i still wana go shop for groceries w mum n my prom dress, how ah? haven got it yet... n my dad insists tt i shld dye my hair any furthur, he thinks that its carcinogenic. hah, i scared too.. :)

cya guys n seriously, have fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-11-25T04:55:00.000+08:00

happie birthday to me..
happy birthday to mie..
happy birthday to mieeee....
happy birthday to mieeeeee....

hahaz, this songs goes out to all e nov babies n pp born on today! ms chua(my chem tutor), YUN!!!!( my darlings since im born, hahaz, we're born in e same ward n we sorta grew up together. same pri skl, was roomie, i was e head prefect she was my vice... similar fates, cept tt she is much more smarter than i am..) yanting!!!!(same surname, same class, consecutive index number.. haha, wad's more?) shenglin(dis guy..) lolx. so many can? cant blame.. 9 mths ago is valentine's day.. haha ^_^

i have a bad day, i thot of stayg up to study for my phy but my will n flesh is weak.. haha, i fell aslp at 1. den woke up at 419 realising there is no time to cover 2 yr syllabus in 2 hrs n panick panick panick panick all e way.. well i prayed n things got better so thank GOD!!! paper was tough. tougher than i imagine but challenging. love it can?! cos everybody duno hw to do. so is just comparing who is worse n who r worst!!! hahahahhaz. n im v tired........

thank GOd for all da well wishes.... well, so many i will type later... im gg for lunch, so hungry!!! thank GOd for da chic essence tt worked!!! know wad?! yonghao actually wished me happy bdae at 12 sth!!!! i was like so shock, he still say gd luck for phy.. hahahahahah... im so guilty.. how? i cant take back my words. just can delete it away... haha. later.. i must hurry le ah. thank kayying for calling from US n talked 10mins!!!! love ya... :) laters!

*********************************

... continuation.. thankew qiqi for being so so so so so super ultraly sweet for whishing me happy bdae like 3 times?? or more than that? thankew yongzhihao n tanzhihao n bernard's combined phone call n happy birthday song.. thankew all my chimuis for da pink visor... nice X) love it... thanks ynay... n everythg... n everybody.. e list like on n on n on kkaes.. just tt it is missing out my mumzie, n all other 3 sistas.. wait wait.. oh n _____ hahaha.... sum1 tt i deem impt.. oh and kangwei!!! if she dare to forget my bdae.... hehex.. den thanks adele for waking up so early tho u haven have any paper today to wish me happy.. haha

so many wishes but im not v happy larhx.. y? cos i had a nightmare n i still LACK OF SLP..like so deprived. i duno y i woke up fr this nightmare n as much as i try i culdnt get back to slp.. lolx. hmmmm. 2 more papers tmr.. 24 hrs to freedom!!! bio paper 1 n phy paper 5... i hope it wuld be a breeze... lolx.. think im gg hm after e papers!! yippiex.. i so long nv go hm le kayz??? like hmmm more than 10 weeks? last time i went hm was after prelims la..was it? or did i? okies. can finally slp in my precious rm n bbeddie.. lolx.. :)

2004-11-24T02:19:00.000+08:00

thanks so much charles for da bdae card. tho u may nv c this post. hahahaa.... well, its unexpected la.. its still23rd lor.. my first bdae card received this yr... thnks. n summore i so rude to u yesterday cos i was angry.. hahahhahahaha.

[e following parts r censored away by the author..]

2004-11-23T12:44:00.000+08:00

can i say that im seriously v hurt by e various responses that i got for e prom nite hotel thing? i thot it would be fun, i thot there will be clubbing. seems like there will be nothing. do i seem loser tt i cried over it? i mean, im so tired n desperately wana get things done n book e hotel before its fully booked during this festive season.. yar. n whoa, one whole big grp of pp(which r mainly e pp stayg over) says too few pp sharing too ex. is 5 pp sharing a 80 bucks room too ex? i duno wad to say. nvm, i can stay alone. not tt i cant afford it, just that i hafta scrimp n save more. im rly sad n diappointed esp w a bad day, bad paper n lack of slp. im trying to get things done n it is confirmed twice w u guys. pls hear this. DUN MAKE PROMISES WHEN U CANT FULFIL THEM! thankew for e cooperation.

nobody cares. replies took long. only kangwei is there. hueychyi is having maths S tmr so im not gg to irritate her. n i bet e rest r slping. well, im e only poor soul alive n kicking moaning abt how my supposed "friends" r treating me like shit. yeah. im fuming when i type this post so no offence intended. maybe u guys may not get to c this post after i delete. y is our class always lidat? uncooperative. yuck!

i just pray. worse come to worse. either stay on streets n roam or go kangwei;s hse or i just plainly dun go PROM.

duh!

2004-11-23T09:10:00.000+08:00

thank God for kangwei n yanting. n hueychyi n deborah n siewkee.. for all da support n care n concern. :) love ya guys.

2004-11-23T03:17:00.000+08:00

im sho stressed. Bio paper 3. urgh. less than four hrs to my paper. i still have one whole big chapter on plant hormones, human hormones n thyriod gland. e most fearsome topic.. haiz. im super duper stressed la.. nvm.. after this left 3 paper!!!!! hahaz, i will be ultra happy on thurs cos i finished more papers la than e others. all e sciences have 4-5 papers lehx.. like so strenous... no matter wad, let bygones be bygones la, im not gona to think abt e results n stuffs. just pray hard n leave everything to God.. He has plans for me! n He is the father who wans the best for His child. tho outta all His goodness, he still our sovereign LORD. :)

as for prom. i totally have no idea wad's going on. who's gona book e hotel n stuffs? who is gona book sessions for makeup? hairdo? n limousine probably? urgh.. i duno.. i hope not all responsiblity will be on me.. i hope i can withdraw now. no need money back guarantee. its so troublesome..

im turning 18 soon! :P

2004-11-21T14:37:00.000+08:00

ok. coming online is a bad idea. im dying. someone kill me. i hate myself. urgh. *screams* i got so many things in mind tt i dun wana tok. im feeling lazy. kill me kill me. i hate bio papers. hate it.

2004-11-21T14:19:00.000+08:00

i duno wad has gotten into me. i cant get to study. im feeling bad. some misunderstandings happened. i may seem cold-blooded n stuffs. yea, n sometimes i am. so be it.

2004-11-21T10:45:00.000+08:00

love actually is nice. just that Gab's version is ummmm.. censored.. i wana watch e uncensored one!!!! hahahaz.. yeps. back to books! i love my books!!!!!!!!!! i must love them. Bio's sexual reproduction tmr.... bleahz. cyaz

2004-11-20T20:59:00.000+08:00

oh... my blog is so alive. i love that feeling.. :) do drop by my blog often..

yepx, today is charisMA 4th anniversary.. so much fun and laughter.. sumhow wad bro Wilfred shared has this v great impact on me. i think he is a great speaker.. know how to touch pp's hearts by using examples abt himself so that we can relate much to. im v shocked to hear wad kind of Christian bro Wilfred used to be, like WHOA! he is such a HOT christian to me!! Bro Michael too, like i will never think that he used to be sum1 tt is lukewarm n stuffs. n come to that, i dun wana be cold, not even lukewarm. i dun wana be spewed out, not even denied entry. i dun wan.. i wan to be warmly welcomed into e kingdom of GOD! i wan to be HOT!

yeps. its like so great.. i must thank lalang of her lil' card that says so many things.. it is so nice too! i rly love charisMA... must thank Alicia for her long letter of encouragement.. thank Gabriel for e CDs( love actually!)!!! thank PEiYing, Jess, MengChoo, Ruoling, Victor, lichu, eunice for being great company n great frens n great mentors! n e phebe, eufai, Johnny, Aza, zilin, kim, joy...... esp bro Michael n Wilfred n bro Gerry.. all of them r like so nice!!!!!! thank God i met them n i went to their church. i rly rly felt at hm there now.. :) tho being qt large, one can feel left out but its okay..:)

yeps, i love ya guys!!!!!!!

Matthew 6:33"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;and all these things shall be added unto you."

2004-11-20T14:59:00.000+08:00

doing some SDL recently
SDL=self directed learning=self destruction learning
im refering to e latter. hahaz
its covetousness not covetness.. pardon me. sucks i used e wrong word for GP!!
my pimples r bursting like hell
sucks
1 burst 4 times already, neverending pus.
laterx..

2004-11-20T03:33:00.000+08:00

letme copy karboon's idea....

FRIENDS

who r they? i feel unwanted too sumtimes. but im blessed w good nice trustful FRIENDS. i can say i have quite a number of friends who i will refer to regarding different things. im really blessed. i dun wan much n i dun nid much. its pretty much newton's 3rd law, action n reaction. it takes two hands to clap yea? sumhow i dun feel that from sum1 whom i deemed friend. can she live up to my expectations? lets wait n see. sumhw i dun see much into our future.... she dun even drop by my blog while she goes to others. n she is sumone that i will definitely wun take any effort to keep in touch w unless she take the first move. im sounding demanding cos im pms-ing. hehex. i just think tt she was using me. cos she dun wana be frenless. when she has other pp, im away from e pict. im being frank here. but who is she.. let's GUESS!

GUESS is my fav brand now! hehex :)

2004-11-20T00:20:00.000+08:00

yesterday's paper was bad. then e weather was bad. going out searching in vain for a dress is bad. just showed how poor i am. shirts r from 100 bucks onwards. a skimpy tube top priced at $1000. wonder who in spore will get tt?? den saw a hot guy. attached. X( if all these isnt badenuff... i was feeling bad. oxymoron, tiredly awake. den read i weekly. in detailed. den slept. n my mum called to pick on me. screaming thru e phone telling me to study.. like i dun study? urgh. i was v sincerely angered. cos i dun haf enuff slp for so many days n i barely close my eyes, someone disrupts it for unimpt matter. hurgh. i had yucky dinner, yucky breakfast. had gastric during phy paper cos i had bad brkfast too. hate it. now im still feeling bad. myojo here i come!

i wan CHANEL shades! GUESS ones not bad either. broke. covetness unwanted.

2004-11-18T12:37:00.000+08:00

this song is stuck in my head..

singing.. Joy to e world
all u boys n gals
joy to e fishes in e deep blue sea
joy to u n me..

i do handsigns w it too.

aww.. im so turned off by exams.

2004-11-18T09:28:00.000+08:00

hehex. chem P2 down. nothing much to say. felt lazy to blog. head's spinning.
read sth on newsapaper abt migraine schizophrenia bowel discomfort n e adverse effects on over consumption of vit E. makes me wana study food chem!!!!!
bleah, phy in less than 15hrs. just started. gona suffer soon.
argh, just know that we may hafta move downstairs to make way for a camp before we leave for home. its sho stupid. like pack n leave 5th floor on e 28th n going back by the 8th. i rly think tt is stupid. looking for budget hotels to stay in on the 8th. dinner n dance. gona be fun! no matter wad.. :)

2004-11-16T13:14:00.000+08:00

im so sorry
i was fuming when i typed my previous posts
so yea
dunworry n thanks for all e tag!
lalang: ok, i get it now, no retribution! :)

2004-11-15T13:05:00.000+08:00

i lost one of my previous entry. argh. cos i was fuming thus accidentally deleted it. how? cant salvage. just was a note to thank all da youths and say happy bdae to all november babies. i will type a longer post next time. argh

2004-11-15T03:17:00.000+08:00

im unhappy unhappy unhappy and unhappy. the talk w peiying yesterday does help for awhile. but it is all up to myself and God huh?! i duno y is it like dis. yep. i hate REJECTION. y is it that wadeva i say is wrong and somebody else's hafta find fault in me. nvmnvmnvmnvmnvm.............. u all just dunlike me rite. nvm. God is who that matters yea? dunthink so great of urself. well.. since the Bible says that we should love our enemies alike. even tho u r not any enemy, just someone that pisses me or hate me, i will still love u as Jesus would k.. im sorry if my actions have infliction upon u any harm or wad.. i wun regret it.. i haf no ill intentions. tt is..

2004-11-14T13:37:00.000+08:00

there is something wrong with me.. i dunno y.. dun ask. i shall commit everything to God! i feeling just bad n bad n even worse.. y?! *bleahx*

2004-11-13T05:44:00.000+08:00

ohh.. so fun.. yesterday went to Gab's place for bball n tennis... e bball court at Gab's place is like so full lo so we smuggle ourselves into nyjc n had our game there.. so long never play le.. but i rly had fun cos every1 so got standard de den dey not scared like others guys when they playing w me.. hahaz. n they're not rough tho they play up to standard.. :) bleahz.. ruoling actually say i am not rough.. first time lehx.. my past experience was that my friends all say that im rough... :) mebbe im not playing against her...

as for tennis it was quite alrite la.. so funny... just had fun lor tho i didnt play much.. cos too shagged and tired le ma... nevertheless, reallyhad fun... den kimberly helped me pluck white hair.. quite a number of them.. like ard 10?! im rly getting old le la... sho sad... nvm.. least cos i dye my hair so not so obvious la.. yep.. must start studyg le la.. cya guys... byes..

thanks for all e tags too! kay i miss u definitely n i will put in my best for As.. heehx.. dun care le la.. i will just do my best n study for the glory of God..

p/s: my parent's anniversary on Christmas so i may be back in Msia then.. or i may be gg Alor Setar w Deborah for her CHurch;s caroling.. must be fun!

2004-11-11T05:52:00.000+08:00

yeppiex!!!!! my sister got like huh 7As for UPSR? e msia equivalent of PSLE.

im sho proud of her, cos we all thot she culdnt make it... she is like e worst outta us... but in e end, tt makes all 3 other beautiful daughters of my parents getting straight As for UPSR, except ME!!!! im still remember feeling elated after getting my results of 6As n 1B for malay compo.. den expecting praises from my father, well, not knowing tt i will get a great scolding from them and a fight w them after that.. wellwell, its long time ago.. i just culdnt help it.. y my parents arent happy w my results while other parents who went to skl w their kids to collect their results were so heppy despite getting only 4As... haiz.. i definitely didnt ask for being brought up in a result-orientated environment.. i admit i didnt study for UPSR, but isnt 6As enuff to satisfy ur hunger.. not like my classmate who did B for chinese when her mum is a chinese tcher, least i din get B for science or math.. my parent's subject.. i fear e upcoming collecting results of A levels.. really..

2004-11-11T05:25:00.000+08:00

i decided to post sth on my exam since pp r asking how it is going on..

i haveno hard feelings for Bio cos i know i did my best inside e exam hall, i managed to squeeze the most little bit of stuff from my saturated brain of sth tt did not come out from the paper..i din expect much cos my Bio wasnt fantastic this yr.. so... i will just leave everythg to Him.. Chem.. its quite alrite la.. nothing cos i cant rmb a single thg i wrote. weird huh? cos im too preoccupied in worrying abt my Bio n Math paper.. as for Math.. i rly hafta thank God for all the peace n concentration He gave me.. its e first time tt i didnt get tired halfway doing a 3hr long math paper la.. n i had 1 whole hr to check.. lest i know i did my best too.. i will just leave eveythg to His hands n move on! cos i have 5 papers nxt wk.. n thanks for all e concern n care k darlings...

2004-11-08T14:17:00.000+08:00

im sho happy
i sorta told my parents abt my religion le
it was not a firm NO
so i reckon its pretty good in e future
yeppz~
:)
Hallelujah!

2004-11-08T11:56:00.000+08:00

i really hafta blog all this down... today i went for our church anniversary.. gosh.. its my first time gg to a Sunday service tho tmr im having this major paper tt i haven rly studied. im rly glad i went. somehow i loved it la. it prompted me to make a major decision. it is just tt e way how am i going to carry out my decision tt is unsettled. but still... im rly rly glad i went. i felt Him like never before. the whole thing is amazing. this whole weekend is utterly great as i bask myself in His presence.. :) i backslided sometime before but im glad that He has lead me back to the right path.. i rly thankful that He has chosen me. that His neverending faithfulness is always with me..
im feeling real sorry for ruoling cos i deprived her of her seat but nevertheless i wana say a big THANKYOU that she sacrificed the seats for us the latecomers.. Ruoling tho u may never know.. u haf alot of small lil actions tt has touched me. Made me respect u more day by day. ur lil efforts r seen and appreciated tho some may have escaped the human eyes, it is always seen in the eyes of the Lord. so dun be discouraged n i rly look up to u as a great sister who is always willing to guide me... sorry that im insensitive. everytime i c u do somethg, somehow it accentuates my insensitiveness and ignorance. im so grateful tt i met u. someone that i can learn from. I rly rly thank God for that. rly.. ruoling, in case u donot know that.. im blogging out wad i felt abt u here..
oh.. here is also my gratitude to yonghao who made an effort to help to save the marine life out there... :)

2004-11-06T11:41:00.000+08:00

I feel sad. I feel like crying a lot. Iâ€™m bored. I feel alone. I don't really feel sad, just "empty". I don't have confidence in myself. I don't like myself. I often feel scared, but I don't know why. I feel mad, like I could just explode! I feel guilty I can't concentrate. I have a hard time remembering things. I don't want to make decisions - its too much work. I feel like I'm in a fog. Iâ€™m so tired, no matter how much I sleep. Iâ€™m frustrated with everything and everybody. I donâ€™t have fun anymore. I feel helpless. Iâ€™m always getting into trouble. Iâ€™m restless and jittery. I canâ€™t sit still I feel nervous. I feel disorganized, like my head is spinning. I feel self-conscious. I canâ€™t think straight. My brain doesnâ€™t seem to work. I feel ugly. I donâ€™t feel like talking anymore â€“ I just donâ€™t have anything to say. I feel my life has no direction. I feel life isnâ€™t worth living. I consume alcohol/take drugs regularly. My whole body feels slowed down â€“ my speech, my walk, and my movements. I donâ€™t want to go out with friends anymore. I donâ€™t feel like taking care of my appearance. Occasionally, my heart pounds, I canâ€™t catch my breath, and I feel tingly. My vision feels strange and I feel I might pass out. The feeling passes in seconds, but Iâ€™m afraid it will happen again. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing it. I feel "different" from everyone else. I smile, but inside I'm miserable. I have difficulty falling asleep or I awaken between 1 A.M. and 5 A.M. and then I can't get back to sleep. My appetite has diminished - food tastes so bland. My appetite has increased - I feel I could eat all the time. My weight has increased/decreased. I have headaches. I have stomachaches. My arms and legs hurt. I feel nauseous. I'm dizzy. Sometimes my vision seems blurred or slow I'm clumsy. My neck hurts.

2004-11-06T05:08:00.000+08:00

"GOD is our refuge and strength,a very present help in trouble." Psalms 46:1

"He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds." Psalms 147:3

:)
life's simply great
greater if w/o e impending stress to study..
hahaz
im so doomed
bleahz
help!
:)

2004-11-05T09:48:00.000+08:00

everything seems rite again..
guess God's w me.
trusting Him is always correct n assured.
yep, GP was alrite
not too disastrous nor fantastic
it in e midst so i guess a pass is alrite.. as for e grade........
haha. good week ahead!
i hope, i pray.
........
........

2004-11-03T22:44:00.000+08:00

im sho hapy today
everythg went smoothly from e second i woke up
my fav hunk julian hee on I weekly cover
den i wasnt late
had enjoyable session w ms KT n peeps
........
,......
everythg just seems right!
:)

2004-11-03T02:16:00.000+08:00

this is what i wrote...in response to the developments that are going on in my beautiful island, Pulau Tioman that sits strategically at the east of Peninsular West of Malaysia.. I urge all concerned friends, please help us in a bid to save our environment. No matter you are a Malaysian or not... thank you.

Dear Dato' Sri Hj Adenan bin Hj Satem, Malaysia
Being a concerned commoner from Malaysia, I wish to express my great concern for the future of Tioman Marine Park. I understand that there are plans to build a marina and new airport on Tioman Island, and nearly 47 hectares of land will be reclaimed from the marine park for the airport project.
For one, I am a student currently studying in Singapore. I'm always proud when advertisements of Malaysia with its natural attractions appeared on our neighbour's national tv. And I'm also very proud when people i meet in Singapore telling me that they have been to Tioman and loved it. I'm truly ashamed that i have not been following the ongoings in my beloved country but now I'm playing my part as a Malaysian. As one with passion for everything in Malaysia, as one that believed the grass is always greener in Malaysia.
First and foremost, I believe the service sector has always been something the Malaysian government is pushing in order to boost our economy to pre-9/11 level and tourism is certainly something that we can cash on since other factors that will deter tourist from coming such as political instability does not exist.
The developments as mentioned above will destry the natural habitats and diminish all the gifts from mother earth to our small country. Imagine the adverse effects that will happen if such does not exist anymore. Tourists stop coming, locals lives that depend on tourist's bucks will be affected and Tioman will no longer be what it is used to be.
Moreover, has the government carefully considered the neccessity of such facilities on Tioman. Is Malaysia so in need of an airport? In view of our mounting national debts accumulated by ambititious building of unneccessary infrastructure, I think the money should not be invested in building such an airport.
There are many other areas that the money can be used effectively. Firstly, to wipe out corruption or to give out more scholarships to potential scholars that have been deprived of a chance. Or to develop infrastructure for Research and Biotechnology. Recently, i read a commentary from Sin Chew daily that is translated and published in Singapore. It reflects the failure in which the government to appeal national talents back to our country due to lack in such infrastructure. If we bank on this and Malaysia can be developed into a Biotech hub, wouldnt it be killing three birds with one stone?
On the account on the marine life in Tioman, i plead that you will let them off. After all, they are the bumiputras of the island, it is us that invaded them. Since we have been enjoying peace and harmony by cooperating with each other, why not maintain our status quo?
Pulau Tioman's Marine Park is home to endangered giant clams, coral reefs, and other precious marine life. Malaysia's corals are truly a treasure for the country to be proud of, as well as being a heritage of value to the whole world.
Malaysia is a party to the Convention on Biological Diversity, and Malaysia further strengthened her stand to protect and conserve her natural heritage by initiating the National Policy on Biological Diversity. I urge the Malaysian government to stand by her pledge to protect the country's biological diversity as opposed to destroying it.
The marina and airport projects would not only defy Tioman's status as a nationally protected marine park, but would also be taken as a sign that marine park protection in Malaysia is not to be taken seriously.
I strongly urge you to help put a stop to this destructive development, to ensure this invaluable underwater wilderness is here for generations to come.
Yours SincerelySeet Shu Xin80, Barker Road,Singapore 309937

2004-11-03T01:35:00.000+08:00

my backache is getting better but still, a slight twist in posture will result in unimaginable pain... em.. gota see a doc for my back after As. yep..

hey qiqi, dun worry abt me la, yeah, im learning hard so tt i culd swim but nt rely on others, inspired by THE CHAMPIONS. somehow, e characters learn hw to swim so fast, unlike me, my swimming posture also qt wrong but i duncare, can move forward can le liao la... hahaz

nothing much to blog abt, life's mundane. been watching too much tv. BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM is hilarious. i culdnt regconise KEira Knightly, her hair is so different. well, she is a good actress...

The Russian government has approved the Kyoto Protocol - clearing the way for the treaty to become international law in early 2005.
The European Commission has announced that Greece will be charged for failing to protect the largest nesting population of Mediterranean loggerhead turtles.
The Commission claims that the government is not doing enough to protect the nesting sites of the turtle on Zakynthos' beaches, and the latest charge will serve as a final warning before action is taken.

2004-11-01T07:21:00.000+08:00

swimming is my current craze now. which resulted in chronic backache. yupx.

i went for cell harvest. really flooded w food manz. yupx. but i managed to escape e daobao-ing part. no1 noticed! hahaz, cos i rly dunwan to dabao, nt e food nt nice but is just tt i wont eat it anyway. i wasnt hungry but was rly tired so i thot i will just collapsed on my bed when i reached hm..

but dear ziyih, aft getting $ fr her sis got us food fr NEWTON. yeah, so had qt a feast la, she counted me in so i just eat lor.. aft tt den i rly collapsed le. but i din haf a gd nice slp. backache acting agn.. den summore i felt cold. freezing tho im alrdy hiding in my comforter. den my hands n legs started aching den i rly culdnt stand it so i woke up n cry. hahaz, no1 sees this time. i was so tired but i culdnt slp, e 2nd time dis wk. is this a premonition of anything? den i tossed n turned stil cannot slp i decided to check my fone wad is e time, den i saw e msges. abt Bro Wilfred's father.. im so sorry. these few days arent so good for any1. rly. so i replied jess den i dug out my jacket, put it on n continue my trouble filled sleeping journey..

now its worse. my backache extended upwards till my neck. n i feel drowsy e whole day.. hmm, time to go for check up! i think my slping posture qt bad too.. hahaz, den i rly like invertebrae lor, no bones de, go where also must lean on sth.. im just lazy la...

i will just pray hard! for every1, hope tt they will be free of worries and sickness.....

2004-10-31T14:43:00.000+08:00

i dun rly care wad others think abt me.. when i haf negative thots abt wad other pp think of me, i will just tell myself, it is time for me to learn new things. learn more abt myself.. and i will give my thots a big fuck off! just fuck off la. as mentioned in ynay's dictionary, it says "it is an offensive n rude word that u shld avoid using it" but i dun care..

truely, these days, reading blogs have made me feel bad. no matter whose blog. hahaz, cos given my state of mind then, wadeva they say seems to haf a hidden sword tt implies wadeva they r unhappy abt is due to ME. hahaz. silly me. i dun rly care now. cos it is their personal blog they shld haf any right to say wad they think is right, so if im gg to be offended, where's their freedom of speech?

eccentric thots
yeah, heard tt no food r allowed across e causeway n tt e lil' girl HuangNa's body is found. im so sad, no more home cooked meals fr mum n yeah, another young life is lost. wadeva i say is a bit too late la. but wad i wana say is i think every1's life haf different n many purposes, one of them is to DIE. i seriously think so. every ten yrs or so, a pandemic broke out n killed numerous pp. i hope i will be one of e victim. so tt at least i can contribute to this society tt i have been leaching on.. hahaz.

yep, cos with this booming population, i wonder hw long can our mother earth survive? i think e lost of me culd make her feel better, so be it. y cling on life n reverse e nature? y seek all sorts of thgs to live an unmeaningful life? im not sadistic or wad, no matter how human fear n try to prevent it, it will eventually happen. i think it is time for us to pay back wad we owe our environment n nature. i duno if this is against e Christian belief but i strongly believes that one shld die. n if u die, its already for a good cause.

remember dinosaurs tt once colonise "our" earth? they were all wiped out bcos of their evil doings. but yet i think human made n created greater mistakes. does it mean tt e end does not justify it means? i duno. hahaz, just some random thots.

2004-10-30T14:49:00.000+08:00

this is in response to many other pp.

i dun wana put my emotions on my face too. u think i like to affect other pp? i loathe crying but i just cant control myself. i had enuff. i was rly sad n im sad to say tt being a fren u r not concern enuff of wad i felt. sumtimes i rly thot wad u think of me as? a true fren tt u treasured or just a substitute when sum1 else is away. i dun care whether e person concerned is gona read this but im gona say abt this. pp haf different feelings n different expectations. just like i dun anyhow cry after i fell while others do. get wad i mean? im not trying to say anything but proving sth. someone is so concern abt gossiping while some others dont. every1 is different. y cant any1 get it n stand in other pp's stand?

not tt i do tt often but i attempt. unless u rly piss me off.

sum1 claims tt i hurt him cos i said him ugly. but have he ever thot tt it is outta self defence? u offended me first? who called me Ah lian in e first place. i dunthink any1 likes to be called an ah lian cos i despise them. who hurt who first. i was in a total strange place when sum1 greeted me w e word ahlian. n i hate tt environment. now tt i thot i love it, im beginning to hate it again. n now yet again. who went ard discussing answers tt rly made me cry n makes my frens hate me?? who? tell me?

i cant stand this anymore. yeah, if u cant accept me for who am i just leave me. i think i can make do w/o frens. tt makes me grow up n realise tt there will be no total trust in any1... really. only GOD knows n remains faithful.

2004-10-30T14:05:00.000+08:00

CHEM PRACT SUX

i hafta say tt im utterly devastated after the whole emotion upheaval during e exam. i was stressed, tensed up, and thus proceeding on to panick after i flipped thru e whole paper cos i totally din have a clue wad was going on n everybody else is looking so confident. n i started to perform dual titration. wad made me worse was tt bernard did tt exp wrongly n i culdnt hint him anything at all which left me panicking even more.. yeah.. den i did my titration 3 times n i still culdnt get my results correctly which makes me fluttered. den i tried proceeding on to e calculations but to my dismay i haf no idea how to calculate it at all. yeah, i thot i culd score for calculations. den i decided to perform my fourth titration ignoring e limitg time. in e end i have four varied readings which i duno which one to take. yep. after trying to attempt e calculations i gave up for n proceeded on reaction kinetics. due to my sudden immense interest in swimming, i had a horrible muscle n backache. thus i culd not bent down to check my meniscus. so i hafta kneel on e floor. den i saw cheehong using e dropper den i was like...... im so stupid, i din even think of using e dropper to prefect my volume measured. yeah so i proceeded on w e dropper. but much to my dismay my results r erratic. tho i got my 1st order and stuff like dat. but for e design, i sorta screw it up. nvm. heard its suppose to be zero order but i din rly put tt down. nxt its e horrible QA. im totally clueless n trying hard to find sum gases using all e litmus n crap. yeah. n i drop e litmus into e test solution so i bet it did sth to my reacting solution. wadeva. i test no CO2. n im rly panicking le..... i being a smartalec put down SO2 tho n concluded w anions chloride n sulphite. yeah. great. which i think is all wrong................. plus i left 8 mins for my design. its my first paper tt i seriously lacked time. i always have sufficient time. i duno y.. so i think im pretty upset abt it. its my first blank script in my entire life. believe me or not. haiz...

tts not all. aft we clean up our apparatus. sum1 started discussing e paper. at first i was alrite. but once dey started there is CO2 no SO2, i culdnt take it so i turn to another fren of mine. den their voices grew louder n louder, louder n louder. it was so apparent tt im annoyed by their discussions. n it still inside the exam venue n u r not supposed to talk. tt is supposed to be a practice. i duno y. even if u wana discuss, do it discreetly n softly, pls be sensitive k?

aft i got outa e venue i put my jacket over my face n i cried. i was so sad n helpless. I wuld say tt im a brilliant kid tt nv left her paper blank n nv had such a bad feeling aft any paper. it was like whoa. so i cried. i cant help myself. thank God that e topic changed into prom and e 90'clock drama show. i felt beta but real tired aft all tt shit. so tts is e reason i dun feel like gg town. cos gg out w classmates n when i left grassroots, my head was spinning n protesting, i felt a surge in temperature... so i pangse u chencni. im so sorry..

tt is still not all.. aft i got back to my HOME SWEET HOME(note e irony here) persons tt i thot i culd believe in dinbother to take me seriously.. all e tips didnt got to me. all knew NaOH n Na2CO3 will be coming out. ALL knew dual titration will be coming out n they were PROUD of knowing it. I despise these people. i cant help it but to do so. if u have known it pls dun be so snobbish. dun be sucha snob. sum skl's tcher r so kiasu they gave their students xtra lessons on dual titration and gave them worksheets for the calculations. the World is unfair! i duno y this skl's tcher in a bid to push up their rankings resort to such means. such underhand manner shld not be taken by tchers who r supposed to be tching e young of moral values. im not infering who. so pls do not be upset by my entry....

i was just so upset abt it.. nvm. i will prove myself of better quality.. at least i will try.

***oh ya, i lost my pencil case summore, i just culdnt find it. ya great wad a nice thursday to have. i cant even find it when i went back skl today n look for it. its just not a great day.. all my compass n protractors n wadever that is needed for exams r lost. yeahyeahyeah.../im fuming!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-10-27T12:15:00.000+08:00

*ohh.. i rly made a fool outta myself la.. cos im supposed to be in skl on MONDAY instead of today. Great! first time i pangse a tcher( ms KT, actually i got nothing to ask de la..)which i have total no idea of lor... i think she damn zadao! hahaz, summore i foundout only today... n its FESTIVAL OF LIFE. peeps. rmb? hahaaz. time rly flies la..

*playg hearts n i sucked. em.. gota rLY sTArt MUGging. blEaH. iM sHo StrESsed. den i dun dare to look for other tchers to talk lor. actually i think i rly procrastinate worse than during prelims la.. hahaz. em.. how?

*hahaz, im rly v rebellious lor. i rly wana go n try anythg under e world la tho i know its stupid but i just wana try cos im adveturous lor.. hahaz, drugs? prostitution? haaahz. m.. but i won de la.. mebbe i will try smoking n be a horrible drinker. provided tt my rashes nv appear ever again...

2004-10-26T20:20:00.000+08:00

*sho shit. aft mummie n daddie called i feel so guilty so spending n not studyg for these few days. can any1 punish me n scold me or wadeva. just force me to study. unfortunately i dun exercise tt much self discipline. every1's mugging. im so DEAD! *screams*

*im feeling so sad. em. cos of all e stress. but i started to like Elva le. her voice lowlow de, v xing gan.. makes me feel even sadder. like her songs only la.. cos sumtimes reflect my mood.. sadsadsad....

2004-10-26T20:11:00.000+08:00

*i miss my mummy n daddy..... sobsob.. miss dem so much....

2004-10-25T22:48:00.000+08:00

*hey kayying.. no prob.. i will try n study hard.. thankew!!! i must thank alot alot alot of pp who had given me valuable pieces of advice. mugger, adele, kangwei, lalang, lichu, .......... alot larhx... thanks la! =P but most of all must thank God for His faithfulness. He has been accompanying me thruout this difficult time. yep, which im really appreciative of...

*xcept for tt, i cant believe it myself.. i had xtra time for phy pract this time n im certain that i did it quite well. at least i followed instructions and tried my v v best la. i had at least 10 more mins for e pendulum qn which i did it later, so i decided i shall pray since im seated at a v hidden corner rite at e end and w boonkiat sitting in front of me so he'll block me la..i prayed for everythg n anythg la... e funniest thg is abt tanzhihao n his apparatus lor.. so funny, den ltr we tease leena abt hw she manage to spoil the equipments since she took e reading before him.. well, that was rly funny tho. den we were quarantined for 5 mins.. so stupid rite?! ahahah, its MOE's ruling so no choice lor..

*yep i think tts rly all, oh ya, i swan today lor, n so sia suay e life guard was telling hueychyi to look after me cos he said "she not v good ah?" em.. i forgot my goggles ma, den they were laying lanes n e acsb boys training la so i dun dare to swim up n get it agn.. tho aft tt i did rly swam back for it la.. so long nv swim le la.. but i tried abit of freestyle, same prob, cant breathe.. yep.. but im trying to learn n trap water. im qt bad at this la so..... dun laff at me ar...

*i finally had my chic wings fr newton tt i have been craving for 3 days.. ahahaz.. hafta walk all e way n buy it myself lor.. but v happy n satisfactory... ;)

2004-10-22T14:56:00.000+08:00

*BIo pract was GREAT!! note e sarcasm.. =) yup.. den i slacked all e way.. kay, im so lazy to on my ph nowadays. i hate it cos i stayed up late last nite to wait for a ph call tt nv come. yeah.. cool rite? yeah... so wonderful e feeling was. nvm, i thot e girl tt was suppose to call me was in a pretty bad mood. yeah, i hope she's alrite? i bet by e tym she returns hm she's too burnt out to call me. nvm, i just hope tt she's alrite.. i love u darling, take care aye.. =)

*haiz, did nothing everyday wor~ i hope i cAn get to studY soOn. i nEeD tO stUDy....

2004-10-22T14:50:00.000+08:00

*SAGITTARIUS MAN
A man who loves social life and curious about every new progress, new development to make sure he is in the era and always have all up date information. He likes to know what is the latest trend of fashion and make sure he is not out of style. You can easily spot him at the grand opening of new pub, new restaurant for he loves to participate in social activity.There is a few Sagittarius who is a private person as well, but you could see that he will be ahead of his friends. He will knows what is the best seller book, what are the top 10 hot hit of the week. The hottest movies showing now, he must have already seen it.
He hates routine, It makes him bored. He likes to get to his goals and succeeding in doing so is his true reward. Money making is O.K. but it is not his true joy, for he can easily spent them in a short while. They say if you want the truth, go and ask Sagittarius. They are right, you can ask him and he will tell you all the truth and very straight forward. Even he may speak bluntly, his friends loves him. If you have problems, all your friends may feel sorry for you, but Sagittarius will be the one who will give you a helping hand first and even expect no return favor. That's why he is a real charmer even sometimes big mouth.When he is mad , he can be quite fierce but quickly dissolve and easily forgotten. He is not a person who will take a revenge, so if he say he going to burn down your house, you can relax. He likes compliments and sweet words, so you can manipulate him easily. If he knows you are not sincere, you will totally become meaningless to him.Some Sagittarius are gifted musician, or singer. He is a happy soul, has a good humor and has lots of jokes. He loves freedom, lively and very energetic. If he is working, he will take his job seriously. He likes to travel, likes to see new exciting places. Going out or traveling make him happy.Sagittarius man is like a free bird. He lives as if everyday is Sunday. He will hardly be in a bad mood, but if he is in a bad mood, you will better leave his sight. If you want to talk to him in such mood, try to avoid issue of commenting his life. He flirts like other man, but he has a built in brake, so he will come back to you by himself. If he disappear for a few days, not to worry for he is only recharging his battery to be that same lively person again, them he will be back.He has allergies to Pretty woman, so in love with many woman for him would be normal. Setting dating schedule is his games and it's fun for him, and this will keep him from being bored. He hates obligations, so the word "marriage" would suffocated him. If you allow him to have freedom, he will not go anywhere.He falls in love as easy as he catches cold, especially if she is cute, funny and she has a strong personality. No one can tell how long he will be in love each time. If you want to really hold Sagittarius man, act like you are in an adventure movie. At all time, you should make yourself lively, tells him some jokes, always be cute so that it will ease up his allergy to other pretty woman a bit.

*SAGITTARIUS WOMAN
A tall slim and graceful woman who walked proudly like she is walking in a beauty pageant competition. If she slips or nearly falls, she will nicely covered it up and continue with her graceful and impressive walking step.
She knows how to use make up to enhance her beauty. She looks at the world positively, so her face always seem so happy. She will not get up set easily.Self confident woman who belief in her own style. She will not follow fashion, but standing in between simplicity and too modern. She is a very open person, sometimes can be too blunt. She is an honest person and never try to cause troubles for any one.
She likes to say something that you do not want to hear and yet she can say something so pleasing at the same time. Example she may say "I wish you could make more money, so you could afford better cloth, but anyway it is better this way. If you make more money you could be thinking of money too much and become greedy". She can say such thing and make you wonder if you should get up set or love her more.
She is also a free spirit and does not like to stay home. She likes to be protected, but not to give her orders. She has no respect to a weak man. If she try to over powered you, then you have to calm her down and try to control her to be in a limit by doing the same thing too. She will listen if she respect you. She likes to be herself and like her guy to be himself.
She is a no nonsense woman, so you will not hear she says " Guess what I will do next", or "Guess what I am thinking" because she always say what she is thinking out loud like a guy. If you do not understand her in this matter, you could easily break up with her. She sees problems in her love life as another funny story.
She is clumsy and it is in her nature. You may think it is cute, but for some neat guys this could be so unbearable. She is very friendly, so she can easily turn her enemy to be her friends. She has good taste in fine cloths, good food, first class and first services. Even a poor woman in this Zodiac will struggle to afford such good taste. She could spent lots of money as if she can not understand how difficult it is to make money. If you think of let her borrow money, think again.
She is a paranoid. If she thinks you like her, she may already think about getting marry and lost her freedom and so on and on. A jolly woman who loves sports. She is an ordinary woman who could dress like a tomboy. She has more guy friends and sometimes could act like one of a guy. She does not care about rumors, so she can get home very late and couldn't careless what her neighbor will gossip about her. She thinks either good or bad, you will know it yourself , so you should not bother what people think.
Her wit and innocent look are her charms. She is often hurts from love, but never afraid to look for a new one as if she is singing "Do that to me one more time". She likes going straight and being straight forward. She will not go around to get what she wants, or beat around the bush just to say something. If you meet her and tell her straight what you think, she will admire you.

**hehex, i think both sounds like me.. =)

2004-10-20T18:25:00.000+08:00

Persevere
When all the world is looming dark
and things seem not so clear
when shadows seem to hover around
Lord may i persevere.

When it seems everything's been tried
and there's no way to go
Just let me keep remembering
sometimes the journey's slow.

I may just need to stop and rest
along the path i trod
a time to understand
and have my talk with God.

As I gain new strength to carry on
without a doubt or fear
somehow i know things will be right
and so, I PERSEVERE.

2004-10-20T15:35:00.000+08:00

*tmr marks e start of my Alevels. so i rly hafta start studying when i din rly started....

*thanks for adele.. for being there counseling me abt ALL stuffs. speaking to u makes me learn alot cos u spoke objectively despite ur views.

*thanks for ms kwan-terry for e lil bk titled beautiful.. cos i learnt alot from it.. thx.. rly need it as inspirations now..

*thank God for guiding me too... :)

2004-10-20T14:51:00.000+08:00

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden,and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

*im feeling so fucked up n everybody else is ignoring me. well, rly.. wad e fuck. y do i need u as frens for? being so unconcerning when i need u? yeah. i shld now noe rite? all happily mugging away at home.

*y cant any1 understand me??? any1? just fuck e hell outta urself.. get away from me, i dun wan u. u dun need me either. we r just 2 parallel lines. yeah, we see each other from afar. n tts it..

*kangwei some dears, thx for oways there for me.. i will be alrite..

2004-10-20T08:59:00.000+08:00

*thanksgiving dinner today! thankew every1 esp God for everything. w/o Him nothing is possible! im gg to wear nice nice n go for it. Praise Him!

*yep, i haven officially studied. so i think must start le. A levels this thurs. Stressed!

2004-10-19T13:02:00.000+08:00

*我要式试看用华语行得通吗。今天我心情真得不好。我不管它了。你们也别管我吧。

*哈哈。真奇怪。第一次用华语写日记。满可爱的吧。？？

2004-10-19T08:10:00.000+08:00

*i hate it. life's seem crashing now to me. nobody's gona help me so i must leave everything to God. yup. He put me thru all this to test my faith. He is just like a Father wishing e best for His children.. yeah... but having said all tt, im still down depressed sad n at a cross roads. tho there's God, i still need man. no matter how man can be imperfect, im stil e same, i need a physical fren there always to be with me..

*alot of thgs have been happening to my friends ard me so far. i duno wad to say, i just feel sad n despair. tho i may not be v clase to them or wad, i feel their pain cos i have been agonising over e same stuffs b4. i know exactly how i feel. i dun wan anythg to happen to em now. cos As is drawing nearer n they need tt. its all my fault la.

*i thot my mood has been beta since yesterday cos i attended e sermon at e chapel. but well, not at all now. perhaps its a bloddy stupid idea for me to go skl today. i shld have skipped it so i wuldnt have so many things happening ard me. i hope so. sometimes i rly need a time machine.

*all my dears, i rly treasure u guys so much. wad has been happening to me has set me thinking. i wana express myself here in case i may not have any chance. be it i leave this beautiful country to my home or i just leave u guys. i cant bear to talk abt this. all this that has been happening is really daunting me. i dunwan...

*some of my classmates shld noe wad is happening. but there is still sth tt u guys may nv understand. n never need to cos its rly personal n i regretted telling e ONLY ONE. yup, its totally personal which may lead to sum1 to hate me. just dun care abt me n i will be fine...

2004-10-18T14:42:00.000+08:00

*think i shldnt blog so much... blogging just screw my life..

*spiritual healing taking place so not gg to blog tt much le.. cya guyz ard..

2004-10-15T11:58:00.000+08:00

*slpt fr 3-8 today.. so shuang... cos i slpt at 430 e day b4 n 2 yesterday ma.. too tired. emm.. haven ate dinner nor lunch yet. still full fr e feast we had in skl.. me yt shuqi n meimei amy intan jacintha marlin n leena all of us put in our effort n ordered 15 dishes. which took us so long to finish tt i culdnt even do any sums during math today...

*emmm.. life's been qt sad.. but i duno how to face it. if only we could turn time over.. a time machine.. but, fat hopes...

*yesterday went with yanting ber yonghao tzh yzh charles to eat crystal jade.. thei xiaolongbao is so ooohhhhhhh..... u shld look at us man, we all feel like flying after eating it, its one of e best dishes man... :)

*tmr graduating le, time rly flies. i kinda miss AJ alot la. rite aft 1st 3 mths when i came AJ, i rly hated this skl for its HORRIBLE environment. tt is when i haf yet to meet my 09 frens. yup. n i was qt introvert? (1st few days shy ma!) den slowly i grew to love this skl.. eveythg just set in more or less smoothly.. yup. n skl started ending almost yesterday w our last lessons of all kinds. i love miss 09. forever. e close bond.. tho in nanyang, i enjoyed myself so much dy, but e memories r forged w mostly non-sporeans. its a close knitted grp tho. n its already a MEMORY. den now in AJ, e bonds w 09is so strong. i rly couldnt believe hw we culd achieve this. i must attribute this to ms kwan-terry.. love ya! yup.. eyes r getting red n having a horrible nolstalgic mood.. cry my beloved school!

2004-10-13T11:33:00.000+08:00

*todae ponned skl but totally not effective at all. was distracted by 2 IJ gals watching e stupid Korean drama. its rly so dramatic lor... so complicated of e story tt u can only c in dramas.. em yup. i still haven COPY finish e hws borrowed fr wenxian n yzh.. gona die soon la. at this critical tym im still copying. so unhealthy!!!!

*yup, tmr i will be gettin back my dividend fr e AJ enterprise. yup, so i can temporarily get off my debts forever. but by e rate im spending..... its v hard to say la. one wk i spent like so much. $100? sumtimes more than tt. i wonder y am i wasting so much $$$...

*tmr my korkor paul's bdae.. still duno wad to get him la.. v mafan la guys... c first. prob get him a card of sth like dat la.......

2004-10-12T21:02:00.000+08:00

i sneaked dis fr yonghao's blog n i think its pretty interesting...

Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.
Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates.Candidate A - Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.Candidate B - He was kicked ou t of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.Candidate C - He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be your Choice? Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.
----------------------------------------------
Candidate A: is Franklin D. Roosevelt.Candidate B: is Winston Churchill.Candidate C: is Adolph Hitler.And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question: If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone. Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember: Amateurs built the Ark Professionals built the Titanic and in case you never saw this one..!....
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse* 7 have been arrested for fraud* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses* 3 have done time for assault* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last yearCan you guess which organization this is?Give up yet?It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

2004-10-12T08:09:00.000+08:00

*sheesh, spent da whole day in comp lab din achieve anythg. was supposed to research on my future but to no avial. gg back to slp le. hehex.. cos using comp in e Hall qt ex mah.. so waste e skl's money.. yup, boony n clarerence playing littlefighter... so tupid.. clarence so ham... bleahxz...

*tonite rly must buck up n dop sum phy if not rly duibuqi mr neo.. he rly hav high expectations. tmr maybe not gg skl.. so waste time. but got timed pract lehx... c first la.. stressed. im so scared of statistics n A level. yuck.. bio also. i dun wana cum skl. y dun dey end skl earlier...............

*everyday timed pract makes me feel real demoralised. i forgot all i ve studied for prelims. its all short term de memory de.... duno la.. mebbe staying to complete e stupid chem paper........ :
*cya guys......... buaiz.... miss ya,..... muackz....

2004-10-11T14:06:00.000+08:00

*sheesh,, went newton n had a feast.. oyster, sting ray, sotong, belachan kangkung n cockles... hehex.. plus sugercane... damn full.. n dad came! hurray! tt mean i can live off deficit for a week... yup, but feel so guilty cos i have been asking for $. n he finally realise i dyed my hair... sheesh...

2004-10-11T00:45:00.000+08:00

Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

*i love this song so much...
its tennis time its tennis time! :D

I may not have given wad's expected of a friend, i am just 1 human not perfect but inside this inperfection lies a heart that values u the best way i can...
the smart does not do different things, rather they do things differently...

2004-10-10T11:27:00.000+08:00

*ohnononono... big confusion here.. amy i din cut my hair.. i was complaining abt my current hairstyle la.. hahaz.. n lichu i am FAT. ok at least fatter than i was la.. n v unhealthy lor my eating habits so im planning to cut down on it so tt i can lead a healthier life. hope God can lead me thru it.. yippee!

*cell harvest coming! cant wait for it.. missed e last one cos of some reasons i have forgotten le.. so excited!!! but well, i have no one especially to bring leh.. yup, must pray to God abt it.. yup.. today's worship is fantastic.. i love it!!! Bro Wilfred chose e RIGHT songs.. tho he cant reach some notes.. hehex. loved that.. den e short sermon by Bro Michael was great too! he touched on something that has been bothering me for v long.. that really answers my doubts n frustrations. i love e verse : Galatians 1:10 think is really a good wake-up call n reminder to me.. T'was nothing but extravagant!!! hahaz

*yups.. din rly do anything today n on Friday.. stress is piling onto me....

2004-10-08T10:42:00.000+08:00

*huh, break now.. i shld say its chem but i haven pull my lazy butt of e com yet.. hehex.. im pretty alrite la thx gurls... im working my way on a secret diet..yup. cutting down low on carb n lard.. hope i can shed some pathetic kilos by e end of this yr. met Fabien e other day n he commented tt i have ballooned since my YJ day.. hahaz. so i thot i oughta lose wt..

*have been obsessed with tennis nowadays.. played tennis for 2 consecutive days n watched wimbledon i think its nice.. hahaz.. yup all e exercises n post prelims pre A levels preparation r driving me crazy n i have been getting enuff headaches to scare off anything tt comes in my way.. everytime i thot my head's bursting after doing all those freak papers which r demorallising.. its my first ever hardworking time i ever had, i din even prepare this hard for Os.. nvm..

*yupz...i duno... im scared outta my nerves for my A level results. it rly matters alot. sometimes i wonder y did i choose this path? i shld have go back to msia for some twinning or sumthing. yup.. but there is no turning back le..

*thx chenchi, but i cut my hair again!!! roh ya, yun yup its a compliment to VJ.. its difficult papers! Ruoling n lichu.. thanks for e encouragement n rest assured i will seek my way in God. ynay thanks for e compliment but i dunlike my fringe.. tts it..

2004-10-05T19:51:00.000+08:00

*i think i shld stop poking into other people's lives. duno y reading other pp's blog makes me feel lousy. maybe its e material we blog abt. well. sometimes i just feel that im so selfish n restricted by circumtances tt i cant post something i like. its hard to explain. hard to..
*n i hate my new hairstyle. its been giving me unwanted attention n tts not i wan to. i wana be sum1 unknown n harmless to e tchers so even i stepped my toe over e line, its not so obvious. wad e hell. sometimes, wad is done cannot be reversed. just hafta wait for it to grow longer n im gona trim it. my hairstylist actually wan me to dye my hair. im not gona spoil it... n my dad's gona kill me if i do so.....
*im sucha failure.. overall results: BCCD. C5. satisfactory to myself but not up to standards when compared. hahaz. im demoralised by something.

2004-10-05T18:56:00.000+08:00

*getting better, slept my way thru e weekend n mon, hahaz. transforming into a pig, by e end of e yr u will c shuxin 150% overweight la...
*today just had a gruelling day w maths mock. VJ paper is so tricky. it does complement AJ prelim.. hahaz, din expect tt. i think its even harder den our paper1.. well, im pretty impressed by myself being able to do afew of e qns...
*not many things to update actually la, just a lot of pimples popping n yup feeling grumpy e whole day. i cant stand to stay in skl for so long... mebbe try n pon tml, c how it goes...

2004-10-04T01:59:00.000+08:00

*I duno wad am I doing here while I haven been studying for e past 2 days which is so impt for me e soon-to-be A-level candidate. Yuck. Im feeling damn bad.

*yesterday's worship was great n I loved it n I learnt a lot from Brother Wilfred. Yup cell was wonderful too.. we had a debate on "should Christian come to church" yup n e conclusion was. If a Christian is unable to attend church due to very difficult circumstances, we should help them n grow as a community.. yup.

*after I came back I had a slight disagreement w someone. Whom I took her seriously as someone I can trust. I trusted in her words n yet she failed me. But it was a small matter. Really small. So it doesn't really matter but e thing was she sorta lied to me tho not on purpose. I was badly disappointed la. Cos I thot she wont ever lie de.. mebbe tts y someother one is always so angry w her de, if only she dun think if not wanting to hide den everythg is alrite. I wont ever find out n I wont be so sad la. Everything was exacerbated by this very irritating n bad flu n fever n stomach cramps.

*e cramps was so bad tt it woke me up early in e morn n it took me ard 1 hr to get back to slp. I hate tt. Its really so bad tt I felt like puking or almost fainted in e toilet. I thot I wuldnt make it.. e flu is getting from bad to worse. Think I haven been taking good care of myself.. Haiz.

*now im feeling terrible cos when all bad add together is a messed up situation. I think I overly reacted towards this dear friend of mine n I hope tt she doesnt take it to heart. Just hafta pray abt everything. n im still feeling terrible from all this stupid ordeal.

2004-10-02T22:43:00.000+08:00

*i declare tt im SICK*
*sorethroat n cold*
*cant get anythg worse than this*
*yuck, n due to this i skipped disicpleship yesterday, also cos of mr ong's last min 2 hr xtra Bio lesson.*
*coming back fr xtra lesson i slpt fr 5 to 12. sucha pig!*
*happy belated children's day!*

2004-10-01T05:56:00.000+08:00

/*screams* its been raining a lot lately. but haven got any chance to use my new brolly.. hahaz, hate rainy days actually but i just dunwan my umbrella to be put to waste la..
/neways i'm pretty happy over my results la... hehex. alot of evil thots.. em.. nvm. pretty happy n pretty disappointed. as mentioned in previous post la. but im really delighted given tt i didnt really study. not to mention hardworking.. hehehe.. well, i must really congratulate karboon and hueychyi to do so well!!! u guys r real stuffs manz, keep on gg n perform in As! left Bio. i hope i can pass it so tt it wont leave any ugly marks on e result slip.. cos i already did v badly 4 paper 1 e MCQs. ave is 30/40 while many get higher than tt i got only like 23 after sum self mark?? kinda disappointed. i think i got my concepts wrong somewhere. put in e most amt of effort for Bio but wad i get is disappointment.........
/yupz, i cut my hair AGAIN!! hahaz. its v assymetrical n atrocious if i style it but its still not too bold yet.. i told my maths tcher mrs soon tt im too happy for my phy results so i go n cut. den after she showed us e moderated maths marks she tel me dun go n cut my hair again.. hahaz. peiying went with me de.. hahaz, but she didnt get to cut la. cos her hair too short difficult to style.. :)
/tmr gg for discipleship so today must get sth done n warm my chair.. well, nv go wildwildwet cos im rly broke aft my haircut......
/i hate MAN. i dun care abt wad MAN thinks. yuck. they sucked sometimes. its so unpredictable. jealousy, enviousness, selfishness all come into play. i duno la but im not gg to care also. just leave them...
//ciaoz//

2004-09-29T08:18:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. life's alrite. papers r qt disappointing n delighting. its kinda conflicting la. i duno wad to expect also. i think i raised my standards by comparing upon getting e results. funny.. din get to cut hair today cos its a tuesday n yishun kimage is closed!!! plus e wildwildwet also. i sian lor. y tuesday everythg closed. thot got no mass CV den come all those crap.. diaoz. i was practically frozen to death in all e LTs n AUDIs. din know got so many lectures ma.. PE was kinda crap but i bet we learnt alot cos while i was at yishun w yanting n shuqi it poured cats n dogs.. hahaz, thunderstorm!! n we start applying wad we have learnt in an idiotic manner like i suggesting yanting not to eat cos e utensils r metals. den she say stainless steel wont conduct electricity. den i was drinking n she ask me not to drink cos its a weak conductor. so diaoz...
em.. tts it. gota check mail! cya..

2004-09-27T04:51:00.000+08:00

yesterday'as worship we sang this.. n i loved it..

I Surrender All
All to Jesus,
I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.

Refrain
I surrender all,
I surrender all,
All to Thee,
my blessèd Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.

Refrain

All to Jesus, I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.

Refrain

All to Jesus, I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power;
Let Thy blessing fall on me.

Refrain

All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name!

Refrain

2004-09-26T13:38:00.000+08:00

*today worship was great.. lichu knows exactly how i feel~ rly..
*went out w manfred for ramen.. nice lar.. but em..... nothing to say...

2004-09-25T04:58:00.000+08:00

*haiz.. suddenly feel like posting another post. em.. suddenly feel so sian. boredom looms over me. tho gg out ltr. i dun feel e excitement. my tongue still tastes salt fr e hostel's lunch. i feel stressed for e coming week. im bothered. in all ways. i hope e tchers wuld keep their asses of pp's business. im not distracted by BGR lar. wadeva clement ong says. im distracted by tchers skl procratinating heart n mind n no goal in life.

*its been worrying. its after prelims i still dunno wad course im gona take. i duno which skl to apply to, duno wad i rly feel like doing. now i kept thinking of being to work as aide worker n being posted to ouagadougou BurkinaFaso, one of e poorest country n help those who needs me. be it being as a doc, nurse or just any1 who wuld provide any form of help. but im scared tt its a 3 min facade. i thot i was pretty determined to go to a business skl namely SMU. its cool, located nearest to e city n i dun wana be like e ave S'porean who r nurtured in either NUS of NTU, to me e common identity is uncool. well.... i haf no ides..

*financially its another problem. my dad has spent a ultra big bomb on our new house n my sis's private U..well, maybe i can stop studying n work first to save b4 proceeding on. i love lifelong learning w/o exams so mebbe i wana study masters of do all e postgraduate work. being a student is always nicer then being a lecturer or a working adult.

*this is when my procrastinating ability comes in agn. i hope i can procrastinate all e way thruout my life. i dun wana try out new thgs, i dun wana upgrade myself like a machine, i just need to improve myself by reading. i just wana slack. i hate e presence of alot of pp. im kinda claustrophobic n introvert despite my outgoing character.. irony is it? yup, sumtimes i do feel alot of thgs tt i wont be able to relate to any1 else. totally no. sumthgs tt r so fragile r not meant to be played w. yup..

*its been so long my blog's on sth tt i feel rather den sth i did. mebbe this is wad i rly wan my blog to be like. perhaps. guilt fills me. all kinds. i felt i did my parents wrong. my results, my spendings, my luxurious life while they thot im stressed n studying. my choice, my beliefs, my actions. im going to 18, i ought to be responsible for myself, but not to be so unrealistice n reliant...

2004-09-25T04:45:00.000+08:00

im feeling so satisfied now!!! :P all e havoc tt has been gg on since aft e phy paper. im shagged. utterly shagged! Scheduled to play tennis w yanting n charles n Simon but too lazy to go le n ltr gg out w shuqi n joe n shuqi's fren for bakuteh! yeah~ my fav... i always love bakkutteh.. :)

aft e phy paper i went town.. its infested w students who have just finished their prelims.. including e AJ muggers... ^_^ had lunch w lishi n hueychyi n simon at crystal jade.. yum.. den we went walk walk ard taka n wisma. i saw dis ultra mini micro skirt at urban n co. feel lyk buying but simon keep on tellg me tt its indecent. so sian.. den i say a lot of interesting tops. argh.. if im rich! den i bot nail polish agn!!! got black n this slightly metallic blue... nice.. aft tt choing back hostel wana slp de but chencni called so i changed n choing out agn.. watched Wicker Park a Josh Harnette movie. kinda like love mystery thingy. emm.. qt nice but v not in chronological order. pp like me who r lazy watch till qt blur lar... heehexx. nice. den i choing go buy cake for kianwei. it is sooo freaky nice! n its cheap also. 26 for 700 grams. at taka basement. den i saw e fishball gang twice saw class 14 pp. saw sangu n her fren on a bus lor.. hahaz. qt weird feeling. den i choing down to CHInESe GARdeN.. v nice!!! i think so lar. as in e time spent w yzh, kb, kw, hc, joe, sq, bk..... my classmates! den i choing all e way ( i ran ) up 7 storeys of e pagoda... pant** so tired.. but e view up there was so nice!!!

its so nice! phy paper was ok also. den i finally get to read those novels i have been eyeing for so loong.... my gona be v broke aft e weekend... hahaz... cya guys n hey lichu: okoki. i cut down le but i was rly not in a gd mood. i screw up e paper big time n sum1 provoked me. yup, i get offended easilu de..

2004-09-23T04:37:00.000+08:00

tmr's last phy paper 3!!!
this is gona be a rantings of a grumpy examinations candidate.. press X on e top right corner if u dun wan to read abt it......
math paper 2 shucks 2 e core. i felt like crying halfway doing e paper w a bloody full bladder n a v tired n sour back, statistics was hard. pure maths was weird. at least its for me.... F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. F.U.C.K. i totally duno wad's gg on.. just qt bad. ok, i have no mood to type. alan and heah just pisssed me off w their motor mouth again. one say tt i can bcum a Bio tcher while i said i wont bcum a tcher no matter wad.. i duno wad is he implying. am i as prurient as lasvicious as mr ong or as disgusting as ms mani? wad e hell. and heah insisted tt my future job will be as a hooker. wad e hell. wad kind os joke he think it is.. fuck him lar. im not very pleasant abt it. yuck... keep on telling me e prospects of being a hooker n comparing it to marrying a rich n old guy. yeah. WTFWTFWTF. my blood's boiling. u have an unhappy day in skl n u think i have anythg nice? den u look for sum1 who normally take jokes n starting joking uncontrollaby abt it. no limits to what u say, insensitive, immature, yucky n speak w/o thinking. Alan still have e guts to ask me wad did he say tt pissed me off. he's getting more n more irritating. i will not speak to him till i get over it. yuck. fuck. im so sorry tt i keep spouting profanities n vulgarities but i cant help it given my state of mind now.. i have a just as bad day so dun vent ur frustrations this way on me n c'mon, u shldnt do tt for 1) u 're a guy 2) u're alot older den me. keep tt in mind. u r behaving even worse than me this 17yr old ger u 19 yrs old!! i dont care who is gona get to read this cos their voyuer drives them till this far. im not scared e person who read this will have any backlash or not. im just UNHAPPY abt them. their irritating actions. yuckyuck, yewkkkkkkkk......
ok, enuff of stupid thing: adele, take care ya? hope ur cramps doesnt get too bad..
yup to everybody else........ hope ur wish comes true n i hope tt u doesnt encounter irritating pp like i do.
one thg tt cheers me up, my class dunnid to stay back for Bio makeup aft Phy tmr! tt means i can go out!!! yippeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!